Diapers and Burp Cloths for the Glory of God

Entry 1

As of late I've been having an identity crisis. Who am I now that this little person is in my life? For the past three months I have barely left the house. My days have consisted of diaper changes, feedings, soothing, laundry, dishes, diapers, more laundry, feeding again, etc....You get the picture. It's been months since regularly attending church or group outings, and even longer since I last taught a voice or piano lesson. I am continually challenged and humbled by how dependant my infant son is on me. He needs me to be home while his immune system stabilizes, and I know home is the safest place for him while flu, rotavirus, whooping cough, RSV, and other illnesses plague our community. I am his mother, and I want what is best for him! And yet this is not my sole identity. I am also a wife, daughter, sister, friend, volunteer, and teacher. What about these roles and responsibilities? There are days when it overwhelms me. Yesterday morning in church I must admit I found my mind wandering during the sermon. Our pastor was speaking about Jesus' childhood which somehow got me thinking about the pile of smelly cloth diapers and stale burp cloths waiting for me when I got home. Suddenly I caught myself! Diapers and burp cloths!? Really!? My next thought was, "I gotta get a life!" As the day progressed, however, the Holy Spirit met me in my frustration and sheer exhaustion with these words: "Love isn't truly love until there is sacrifice". "Oh..." I thought to myself, and then reflected on God the Father's love for me, and the sacrifice He made on my behalf. I realized that in a smaller way, that was what He was calling me to do for my family-- give myself.  And then I recognized that much of my frustration was stemming from my own confusion about my true identity. Who am I? A child of The King and an heir with Jesus Christ! My roles are those of wife, mother, daughter, etc., but they are not the essence of who I am. This realization has released me from the guilt I placed on myself to DO and given me the freedom to just BE. My Savior gently reminded me that being confined to my home on my son's behalf will only last a season, but the rewards will be eternal. Even now, I am investing in this little person's life and learning to disciple him. Sometimes it hurts, but has dying to self ever not been painful? Love requires sacrifice. And it's worth it!